Proof that Zombies Exist
So I was at work today and my mind started to wander off like it often does. Anyway, my thought was about how the majority of people nowadays live their lives doing the same thing day in and day out over and over again “stuck in a rut” as its commonly referred to. From the time they wake up in the morning and go through their routine and than rush off to work/school. Head home, run errands or try and savor the rest of the day with friends waiting for the weekend only to start over.
So you ask, “what does this have to do with zombies?” If you haven’t figured it out yet the answer is simple, everything. A zombie by definition is a ‘reanimated corpse’ or ‘one who works or behaves like an automaton’ - so now we know what a zombie is. So people who act autonomously doing mindless things are in fact zombies.
See, the paranoia that seems to be spread rampant among us believers is not entirely unfounded. So does this mean we can finally grab our trusty ‘cricket bat’ and go all “Shaun of the Dead” on everyone to ease their pain? Unfortunately not because the law interprets a “wake up knock to the head” as assault still.
Help me? I’ve realized I am stuck in a routine and might be a zombie! Fear not for there is still hope for your survival. The first thing you need to do is reevaluate your life and decide if your happy where you are now and if not, it’s time to fill out that resume or go back to school to further your education. Next I want you to do something crazy, something unthinkable — start talking to strangers, sing in public (even if you know you can’t), make random noises (yes you can become that rocket ship or the buzzing bee while you walk around!). If you are still having difficulty administering a dose of sanity to your life than see your local liquor store or bartender for a moderate (yes there is such a thing) dosage of advanced sanity.